for the first time...

there's always a saying that, the first time is the most memorable...
well, i had one of those 'first times' today. before your mind starts to wonder, let me set the record straight.

i have been working with fish for 3 years now. and as the normality goes, we have to kill the creatures we feed and care and loved in the end of the experiment. i usually use the freezing method to do so...i found it to be the least cruel and less taxing on my conscience.but i know that most people just chop off the head and carry on dissecting the fish as though nothing happened.

so, today i decided to walk on the dark side. i had to take some tissues for analysis, so the first fish went in the freezer. and i dissected it as usual. then i don't know why, but i felt that i should try it the way everyone else does...so, *snip* went the first head. freaky! the body still moved in my hand...i felt so sorry for the fella. even though i finally found it inside of me to do that, i think it's really scary. my heart still skips a beat when the headless body wiggles between my fingers...poor fishies! :(

but, the other thing i was thinking about is that how things become 'normal' and 'ok' once u do it many many times...it's weird.

oh, and i didn't enjoy my 'first time' at all...killing fish when they are still alive, that is.. :(