yes, folks...our movements at the new fish house are being monitored by two spanking new cctv cameras. not only is the picture damn clear, it is also time-stamped! so ppl, remember to smile when you look at the cameras!!! big brother is watching! :)
how can a person be so missed when he/she is not around?
how can a person be so forgotten when he/she is there beside you?
familiarity breeds contempt? OR
absence makes the heart grew fonder?
hmmm.....which category are you?which category am i?
guess it depends on who you are to an individual...
All this is from my old-data..gonna delete is..so might as well share with you guys.
Hope it will lighten up day (a bit at least)
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules,limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition,Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as Cricket 5.0 and Formula 13.0.Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
--Desperate
Dear Desperate,
Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME ; and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5,HappyHour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly wave files.DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3. Also, running Nagging 5.3 too often can sometimes cause Husband 1.0 to secretly install Mistress 1.0, which would then require you to run Private Investigator 7.5 utility and possibly even Attorney 9.0, which could lead to a system wide failure and the need to reboot Husband 1.0.
Everybody clear on this now?
--Tech support.
Upgrading to Wife 1.0
Last a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He is now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes, which is further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialisation where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BachelorParty 2.5 and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before).Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also system performance seems to diminish each passing day.Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:
? A "don't remind me again button"
? Minimise button
? The ability to delete the "headache" file
? An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 version without loss of other system resources
An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the systems hardware probe to be much more useful/effective.
I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0. Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first, otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port.Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 & 2.To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
VIRUS ALERT
All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1. won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and 'never' run any file transfer applications (such as Laplink) between the two systems.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
UNCLE HO WANTS YOU!
==================
Uncle Ho Holdings, Malaysia's largest manufacturer, distributor and retailer of quality pirated and bootleg VCDs, DVDs, Audio CDs, CD-ROMS seeks suitable candidates for our rapidly expanding organisation.
From our humble beginnings in Petaling Street in 1998, we are currently operating more than 68,000 outlets in the Klang Valley & Johor Baru. We have managed to secure at least 4 stalls outside every convenience shop, 8 stalls outside every coffee shop and 50 stalls at every pasar malam. We're expanding into every housing and commercial areas, making us the biggest outdoor retailing company in the world with over 16 million discs sold daily.
Our high-tech multi million ringgit manufacturing facilities are now operated on ships anchored in international waters to circumvent local copyright laws. We are gearing for an IPO(Initial Public Offering) and are in the process of applying for MSC status as Malaysia's largest multimedia company.
Be a Franchisee
---------------
We offer exciting and profitable franchising opportunities for
retrenched workers, unemployed individuals and ex-convicts.
* Set-up cost is a low RM500, including an inventory of 150 titles, portable iron stands, plywood and red table cloth.
* As the franchisor, we'll provide you with protection against local gangsters, unsatisfied customers, enforcement officers and post bail if required. All confiscated items are our responsibilty and will be returned to you within 2 working days.
* You will be rotated with other resellers from nearby areas to reduce the rate of return or exchange for defective copies.
* For an additional investment of RM1200, a battered 25-year-old car will be provided as a mobile store.
* As part of the Uncle Ho Network, you'll be provided with access to VIEWS(tm)(VCD Inspectors Early Warning System). By placing well trained informers in every enforcement agencies, we're able to eliminate the 'surprise element'.
* While we take every precaution to warn you of impending raids, we highly recommend the purchase of an unlicensed walkie talkie. You'll be able to network with other franchisees through the wireless system and receive additional news and warnings. As the largest purchaser of Motorola GP300 Walkie Talkies, we're also able to supply you units at very attractive prices.
Our Mission Statement
---------------------
* To provide Malaysian youths with employment and a stable source of income.
* To help promote Malaysia as the top regional technology and
multimedia hub in the true spirit of 'Malaysia Boleh'.
* To make available in Malaysia the latest blockbuster 30 days before its international release.
* To fight American hegemony by reducing the profits of Hollywood studios and Bill Gates.
* To place a stall every 25 feet on every five foot ways throughout Malaysia.
* To reduce the rate of defective discs to 25%.
* To send every VHS player into early retirement and to achieve total extinction of the format by by 2004.
Join Us Full Time (Vacancies Available KL/PJ/Cyberjaya)
======================================================
Reseller (26,000 positions, Nationwide)
---------------------------------------
Job Description: Operate mobile five foot way stalls.
Requirements: Preferably males aged 16 - 22 with blond hair.
Possession of own waist pouch to store X-Rated titles will be an added advantage.
Benefits: Flexi-hours and additional one 'day off' each year during major annual operasi.
Graphic Artist (3 positions, Cyberjaya)
---------------------------------------
Job Description: Design covers/inlays for movie titles. Copy latest movie listings from IMDB's website.
Requirements: Very rudimentary knowledge of Photoshop. Ability to design blockbuster-looking or porno-looking covers for mediocre movies will be an added advantage.
Benefits: Free 10 copies of (pirated) software programs every month.
Camera Operator (15 positions, Klang Valley)
--------------------------------------------
Job Description: Capture movies being screened in cinemas without being noticed.
Requirements: Ability to operate camcorder. Good knowledge of seating positions in major cineplexes so as to capture entire screen without tilt or distortion. Ability to hold your cough for 90 minutes and munch popcorn silently is an added advantage.
Benefits: Free popcorn and movie passes every month.
Purchasing Officer (1 position, Cyberjaya)
------------------------------------------
Job Description: To buy back consficated items at a reasonable price.
Requirements: Preferably Malays. Good negotiation skills. Ex-
employees of city and town councils are encouraged to apply.
Benefits: Easy settling of parking summons and other fines.
Please send your resume to:
The Group Human Resource Manager.
Syarikat Kumpulan Uncle Ho VCD, DVD, CD, CD-ROM Holdings & Group Of Companies (Malaysia) (1998) Sdn Bhd.
E-Mail: carikerja_uncleho@m...
Community Service / News / Promotions
====================================
* As a responsible corporate citizen, we provide free Video-to-VCD conversion for all MAS cabin crew, subject to subject in video.
* We offer big discounts on (un-sellable) art house films and award-winning Iranian movies as a way of promoting quality films to the masses.
* Mother's Day Special - Special pack of 10 movies to watch with your mother non-stop this Sunday. Guaranteed no sex scenes. Promotional price: RM 30
* New stalls opening in front of KLIA Main Terminal Building this June & in Taman Negara this July.
To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what
'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been
nominated for the best email of 2005.
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
room-service,at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East
Economic Review:
Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G: "What?"
RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bodder?"
G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Excuse me?"
RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"
G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say."
RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."
G : "You're very welcome."
hey guys....seems like everyone is not around,missing in action or simply cannot be located...
of course....our shit lady's not here.keje rajin2 yer.kryptiq went jalan2 to bangkok.fini&emi went to sabah.amdist&helleri understandably has to write their thesis so their presence is not a must in lab.pirate zoom off to kl wif our boss today.general,i alwiz saw him in fishouse.kshern i know is around (must be working very hard giving those tuition classes).i saw glimpses of WY here and there.MoZF is the only person i can confidently say i'll see everyday.
hmmmm.....like i said,it's disturbingly peaceful......
Have a complex decision that is making your head hurt so much and keeping you up? Here's the solution - GO TO BED!
From New Scientist:
Complex decisions are best left to your unconscious mind to work out, according to a new study, and over-thinking a problem could lead to expensive mistakes.
The research suggests the conscious mind should be trusted only with simple decisions, such as selecting a brand of oven glove. Sleeping on a big decision, such as buying a car or house, is more likely to produce a result people remain happy with than consciously weighing up the pros and cons of the problem, the researchers say.
Thinking hard about a complex decision that rests on multiple factors appears to bamboozle the conscious mind so that people only consider a subset of information, which they weight inappropriately, resulting in an unsatisfactory choice. In contrast, the unconscious mind appears able to ponder over all the information and produce a decision that most people remain satisfied with. [...]
Received through email (English version found below):
Kita membesar dgn menonton G-Force, He-man, Transformers,
Thundercats, Silver Hawk, Woody Woodpecker, Chipmunks and Mickey
Mouse. Not to forget Ninja Turtles, Mask, Smurfs dan Voltron (hiii
aku suke.. rindu laaa cite2 ni... kekeke).
Berus gigi time waktu rehat kat skolah rendah?...hmm, mesti pegang
cawan warna-warni kan. mencangkung kat tepi parit dgn classmates
semua kat seblah...
Ingat tak, misi kat skolah masuk kelas dgn list dentist appointment.
pastu bunyi gigi member kite kene gerudi kat bilik sebelah. ada gigi
yang berlubang, kene laa tampal.
Ni sure korang igt...program minum susu di skolah. nak galakkan
budak2 time tuh minum susu. sekotak 30 sen jek beb...
Cikgu2 kalau nak denda, mesti guna pembaris panjang warna kuning tu.
pukul tapak tangan...kan?
Semangkuk mi sup ke, mihun sup ke, 30 sen jek kat kantin.
Hankyu Jaya, Yaohan - shopping complex yang popular utk meluangkan
masa dgn family. ni for those yg dok KL laa
Time skolah menengah, korang sure beli kasut skolah Bata BM Turbo
atau Pallas Jazz. ada yang suka kasut high-cut yang buatan china
tu...ada yang suka stoking tebal laaa... (hahahahah.. aku suke!)
Internet? email? mendalah ape tu?
CD? ape tu? kaset tape penah laa dgr. tiket wayang pun 5 inggit je.
(baru nak merangkak kenal internet beb... kekekek syiok..
exciting!)
Kite pegi kedai runcit, beli Chickerdis, Mamee , Kum Kum, UFO, O-Ya,
Ding Dang chocolate balls yang ada mainan kat dlm die, 'telur' keras
warna warni, 'rokok' chewing gum, KIKI Bubble Gum.
Tak dilupakan, 'Ti Kam'.
Bile dah abih exam, main Monopoly la, Donkey la, Happy Family laa dlm class.
Tapi bunyi loceng laa yang paling best skali. boleh beli aiskrim
ngan apek kat luar skola tuh...
Lagi satu loceng masa nak pegi rehat. tinggal kan keje skolah, jom
kita pegi makan. budak2 yg dpt Rancangan Makanan Tambahan (RMT) mesti
kluar awal.
Lagi satu yang seronok mase time Pendidikan Jasmani, PJ. main bola
laa, rounders laa...
Permainan kegemaran, main guli, batu seremban, penutup botol, batang
aiskrim, 'Pepsi Cola one-two-three', 'Police & Sentry', kejar2
duduk...
Kita hilangkan dahaga dgn aiskrim 10 sen. yang tube aiskrim, ada
byk2 color tu. kalau nak makan, kene patahkan kat tengah2 die!
Lipat kertas kecik2, pastuh buat lastik. hmmm..ni pun kita main dulu
ni. baling2 kapur laa.
hmm...budak2 kat university skarang, kebanyakan nye lahir thn
1987/88. skarang digelar 'remaja'. Bagi diorg, diorg mane penah dgr
lagu 'We Are the World, We Are the Children...' dan lagu 'Uptown
Girl' yang diorg tau, yg Westlife nyanyi....bkn Billy Joel nyanyi...
bagi diorg, ada satu je Jerman kat dunia ni, dan ade satu je
Vietnam.
AIDS wujud sejak diorg lahir.
CD pun wujud time diorg lahir.
Michael Jackson dah putih dah time tu.
Diorg percaya Spiderman dgn Incredible Hulk tu filem2 baru.
Diorg tak bley bayangkan skrin hitam putih utk sebuah komputer.
Diorg tak penah tau pun 'Atari' dgn 'Game & Watch'.
Diorg tak percaya penah ada TV hitam putih...dan diorg skarang tak
reti nak switch on TV kalau xde remote control.
dan diorg tak paham macam mane kite boleh survive dkt universiti
tanpa handphone...
hmm...jom kite check, kite ni dah tua ke:
1. korg paham ape yang korang baca kat atas ni, dan korg sure tersenyum
2. kebanyakan member2 skolah menengah kite dah kawin
3. korg sure pelik bile nengok bdak2 kecik main komputer, selamba je
4. kita geleng kepala bile nengok bdak2 skolah menengah guna handphone
5. kita dah tak byk sembang2 dgn member melalui telefon lagi setiap hari
6. bile jumpe member lame dari semasa ke semasa, seronok bile
bersembang pasal cerite2 lame, cerite2 kelakar yang kite alami mase
dulu time kecik2, nakal2 dulu...
7. last skali, bile dah bace email ni, korang akan terpikir utk
forwardkan dkt member2 lame korg. Sure diorg suke punye laa...hehehe
Yaa, kite pun dah semakin tua!!. Teringat zaman2 dulu kan?. Cheers
to the 80s babies!!!! :)~~
English version
Signs that you are a 80s' baby:
You grew up watching G-Force, He-man, Transformers, Thundercats, Silver
Hawk, Woody Woodpecker, Chipmunks and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget Ninja
Turtles, Mask, Smurfs and Voltron too.
Girls watched Japanese cartoon like My Little Pony, "Xiao Tian Tian",
"Hua Xian Zi" etc.
You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in primary school after
recess time.
You squatted by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brushed
your teeth with a colo urful mug.
Remember the days when the school nurse, comes with a list for the !
dentist appointment, the sound of the drilling when your friend has a
fill in his tooth.
You remember the packets of milk we get in primary school to encourage
us to drink more milk. (It is only cost 30 cent per pack)
In secondary school, girls go to the library to borrow their favourite
romance storybook.
In secondary school, girls altered their school skirt to shorten it and
guys will go to the school appointed school uniform tailor shop to
tailor make their school trousers to the then fashionable "baggy pants"!
During primary school days, the teacher will punish you using a ruler to
hit your palm.
A bowl of noodles soup cost only 30cent in primary school days.
When you were in primary school, girls like to go to the bookshop to buy
cute stuff such as animal erasers, various shape sharpeners, colourful
notebook etc.
Hankyu Jaya, Yaohan departmental stores used to be a favourite hangout
for families dur! ing weekends.
In secondary school days, you buy the Bata BM Turbo or Pallas Jazz
school shoes.
Some guys like to wear those china made ankle high shoes.
Some even like to wear those very thick socks with their school shoes.
Internet? E-mail? What the hell is that?
So you thought a decade or more ago, your friends don't have pagers or
handphones in school.
CDs? What's that? Cassette tapes were the norm. Movie tickets used to
cost less than $5 last time.
The goodies from Mama shop used to be Chickerdis, Mamee , Kum Kum, UFO,
O-Ya, Ding Dang chocolate balls with toys in the box, colourful hard
"egg", "cigerette" bubble gum, KIKI Bubble Gum, pink bottle of bubbles
c/w a small tubes with yellow sticks to blow "more lasting" bubbles that
you can pop more air in or slam it on.
You never forget 'Ti Kam'.
When exams are over, the board games (e.g Monopoly, Donkey,
Transportation Comparison Card) & held ! video games will be all over
the class room.
Your favourite sound is the bell!
For it's the homemade ice cream man. The cream that tops Haagan Dazs!
And the other peddler you love is the old lady who sells juicy Muah Chee
and thick olden syrup rolled in a balloon the tip of a chopstick stick.
Another bell is the recess bell, a time to get away from school work and
to eat.
Another time when there is no bell but all guys will anxiously wait for
it...The PJ (Pendidikan Jasmani), PE time (time for football)
Your favourite childhood games were playing "gu li"(marbles), five
stones, five bottle cover, zero-point, catching, "Pepsi-Cola one two
three" and/or "Police & Sentry"!
The best thirst quencher of all times is the yummy colourful ice tubes
you can buy from provision shops for only 10 cent. To eat them, break
the tab and suck while holding the freezing tube!
All gals have a girl doll/strawberry shortcake/my little pony/pound
puppy, while all boys have a soldiers figurine (combat) or a rubber band
catapult that shoots folded paper!
Once was the era whereby ice-cream sticks were valueable items, then
came the paper aircrafts, chalk fights.
Some boys made their own guns from wood, and used 'Bacali' as the
bullets.
Some even used matches to shoot and burn kids'lanterns during MoonCake
Festival.
And your favourite holiday was Lunar New Year! New clothes, Ang Pows,
shopping, junk food and family outings!
Let's see, the majority of students in universities today were born in
1987 / 88.... They are called "youth".
For them, they have never heard of the song "We are the World, we are
the Children..." And the "Uptown Girl" they know is by 'West Life'
but not 'Billy Joel'.
For them, there have always been only one Germany and only one Vietnam.
AIDS exists since they were born.
CD exists since they were born.
Michael Jackson is already whitened.
John Travolta is always round in shape and they can't imagine how this
fat guy could be a god of dance.
They believe that Spiderman and Incredible Hulk are just new films.
They can never imagine a black and white screen for a computer.
They never know what is Atari or 'Game & Watch'.
They can't believe a black and white television ever existed and they
don't even know how to switch on a TV without a remote control.
And they never understand how we can go out without a mobile phone when
we were in university...
Let's check if we're getting old...
1. You understand what was written above and you smile.
2. Most of your secondary school friends are getting married.
3. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably
with computer.
4. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.
5. You spend less and less time talking on phone with your friends
daily.
6. When you meet your old friends from time to time, talking about the
good old days, repeating again and again all funny stories you
experienced together.
7. Lastly, having read this mail, you are thinking of forwarding it to
some other old friends. You think they will like it too.....
Hahaha!.... Yes! We are getting old too...........
Brings back old memories huh?
Cheers to the 80s babies!!!
On the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago, the
DJs play a game where they award winners great
prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs
call someone at work and ask if they are married
or seriously involved with someone. If the
contestant answers yes", he or she is then asked
3 random yet highly personal questions. The
person is also asked to divulge the name of their
partner (with phone number) for verification. If their
partner answers those same three questions
correctly, they both win the prize.
One particular game, however, several months ago
brought the City of Big Shoulders down to its
knees. Anyway, here's how it all went down.
(18SX alert below!)
DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever
heard of Mate-Match'?"
Cont: (laughing) "Yes I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip
to Orlando, Florida if you win. What is your name?
First only please."
Cont: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: "Yes."
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're
what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name?
First only please."
Brian: "Sarah."
DJ: "Is Sarah at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time
you had sex?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one
would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have
sex at 8 o'clock this morning?"
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom
is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the mother-in-law was in the shower
at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than
the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks,
I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number
and call her up. You listen to this. ( 3 minutes of
commercials follow.)
DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall
we?"(touch tones...ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live
on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian
for a couple of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us.
Brian knows to give any answers away or you'll
lose. Sooooooo...do you know the rules of Mate
Match'?"
Sarah: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up
to?"
Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions
honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3
questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's
answers, then the both of you will be off to
Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World.
Sea World, tickets to the Magic's game. The
whole deal. Get it Sarah?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Oh God, Brian...uh, this morning before
Brian went to work"
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it
last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is
trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last
question, Sarah. You are one question away from
a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them
that, did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Well, it's just that my mom is vacationing
with us and..."
DJ: "She saw?"
Sarah: "BRIAN?!"
Brian: "No, no I didn't..."
DJ: "Ease up there, sister. Just messin' with your
head. Your answer, please?"
Sarah: "Dear Lord...I cannot believe you told them
this."
Brian: "Come on, honey, it's for a free trip to
Florida."
DJ: "Let's go, sister. We ain't got all day here.
Where did you do it?"
Sarah: (short pause) "In the ass."
(Long, long pause)
DJ: "We'll be right back after a word from our
sponsors."
WANTED:
Crazy man with pony tail.
Crime record:
- leaving shoeprints on front car bumper
- kicking moving cars
- road bully
- drives like a...well...,crazy man...
- argueing with crap theory makers about crap
- abandoning benchmates and going for holiday (...so bored without your nonsense...)
- shaved the beared
- and many others that takes up too much time and space to list out here.
Contact the authorities if the 'Crazy man with pony tail' has been seen around campus. he may be sporting a new beard by now...
our cctv shows him vandalising an innocent victim's car...
but then again...did he leave her some valentine notes? we shall never know...
ever wonder why it suddenly rains?it's bcoz an irritated dragon juz happens to be in ur area...
the book's title is Nothing but blue skies by Tom Holt.i found this book quite amusing though sometimes,i really,really have to stretch my imagination to really,really understand wat the author's trying to tell me...but it's really entertaining...the words are sarcastic,full of british humour.hmmm...good read when u juz want to relax and escape from reality...copies available at Hamzah Sendut 2(it still confuses me y they want to rename it.sendut rhymes wif kentut,gendut,and everything i can think of is not nice).... (^_^)
From an article found in the MSNBC:
Scientists have tricked male fish cells that were destined to become sperm into switching sex and becoming eggs instead.
The technique could one day be used to quickly produce animals with desired traits, speed up breeding programs and help repopulate dwindling populations of endangered species or creating sushi on demand, the researchers said.
The finding is detailed in the Feb. 7 issue of the journal for the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. [...]
(picture from MSNBC)
something disgusting and i still don't understand. how come university students can behave like this? still dumping rubbish all over the place. the pictures below are of the bus stop nearby eureka. i think the mentality of the students are an embarassment. not civil in any way. what is to become of our country if educated people, no, let me correct myself, highly educated people just don't have the right mentality?
behind the bus stop
the seating area
what's worse? i saw the person who's cleaning just sweeping all the dried leaves and leaving the rubbish to pile up. i've noticed this for days. there are many 'gardeners' and road sweepers. why don't they clear this eye sore? why on earth call it a 'university in a garden' when it seems that we are a university in the rubbish dump?
P/S click to enlarge
all images (c) jorge cham (originally published 11/18/1997)
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